Leader's Manual

Feedback will always play a vital role when operating within an organization. Whether you’re providing or receiving it, you will always be interacting with feedback in some way. Some leaders excel at providing feedback that fosters growth and skill development, while others struggle to give people the tools they need for positive change. There is an endless number of reasons for this. Some leaders may experience stress or anxiety when giving feedback, while others might not invest enough thought or effort into their communication. At its core, feedback should help others grow and improve, but all too often it can be used or communicated improperly leading to damaged relationships and even a reduction in confidence or productivity. improperly communicated feedback can even become weaponized.

Weaponized feedback is feedback or coaching that is harmful to those who receive it, as pointed out by Gary Dumais in his post titled How to Recognize Weaponized Feedback. It can take many forms, and sometimes people use it without realizing it. During my five years as a supervisor at a well-known coffee shop, I often encountered this kind of feedback. Like many businesses, this coffee shop chain did not invest much effort into training its leaders to ensure they were properly equipped to lead people. The result was a management team that was adept at forcefully asserting their authority without much concern for how it impacted their staff. For most of my time working there, I hadn’t realized just how much of the feedback I received had been used as a weapon to control and belittle me until one interaction I had with my manager. We disagreed about the way I had staffed my operations floor, and not too far into the conversation, he began to relay some feedback to me.

He began to tell me about many things he felt I was doing wrong or didn’t do enough of, regardless of the context. His rant went something like this,

 “You never staff properly. Your drive-through times never hit our stretch goals and it’s making the store look bad. You never cut labor, so the other supervisors have to cut extra labor for you, and you don’t even get all of your stuff done. The other supervisors don’t like working after you and neither do I.”

Of course, there were a few other things he included, but this was the first time much of this had been brought to my attention, even after months of working at that location. At that moment, I realized that much of what he was saying wasn’t even related to our disagreement. He was using this “feedback” with the intent to belittle me and assert his authority. He was relaying things he didn’t like about my work in general, to make me feel as though he was justified in our disagreement, regardless of how off-topic it was. Throughout that conversation, I felt the confidence I had spent the last five years cultivating as a leader start to erode. So, I dropped the disagreement and simply went along with how he wanted to do things, even though it resulted in the store not performing well and I was unable to complete my designated tasks. I walked away from that interaction with a significant drop in my confidence and almost no direction on how I could improve. Whether he realized it or not, he used feedback as a weapon.

This is one of many forms weaponized feedback can take. Leaders can use this type of feedback to settle personal grudges, intimidate people, or help themselves feel more secure in their position. Again, some leaders may convey feedback in a way that can come across as weaponized without even realizing so it’s important to understand how to avoid it. There are plenty of things to keep in mind when giving feedback, but I’ve found that there are four things to consider that provide the most help.

1. Be Timely with Your Feedback

Leaders should provide feedback as soon as they realize it is needed. Telling someone they did something wrong six months ago is not very helpful and will allow the mistake to continue. Once you see an opportunity for improvement, communicate it sooner rather than later. As I experienced in my situation at the coffee shop, hearing that I had not done something well enough months ago didn’t incentivize me to improve or make me feel valued enough to be told earlier. Of course, you must be mindful of the setting, so it may be beneficial to relay the feedback later that day or in your next one-on-one meeting, but it’s important not to wait longer than necessary. The sooner they know about an opportunity to improve, the more likely they will be prepared to start working on it. Waiting too long and bringing up a mistake later can be viewed as an attack and can put people on the defensive. When someone feels attacked, they will not absorb the message as well and can even misconstrue your feedback, causing them to react negatively or miss the point entirely. Make sure you are timely with your feedback and provide it at the next best opportunity.

2. Be Clear and Specific

It’s important to be clear in what you are trying to communicate with your feedback. If your feedback is vague or unclear, you run the risk of your message being misunderstood. Take some time to think about how you want to word your feedback to ensure you are explaining the issue clearly and that it is easy to understand. It’s best to use a specific example of the behavior or mistake that needs correcting. I agree with the authors of Giving Feedback to Subordinates when they advise to avoid using words like “always” or “never.” These words tend to exaggerate the issue and can often cause the receiver to withdraw or become defensive. It’s easier for someone to reflect on how to improve and apply corrections to specific examples rather than having a vague understanding of what they did wrong. Refer to a specific situation where you noticed the mistake and explain to them what the issue was in that instance. In my personal experience, the manager didn’t give me any specific examples, which led me to feel as if I was bad at the entire job when in reality, I only had a few things I could have done better. With the additional insight a specific example would have given me, I would have had a better idea of how I could improve and may have walked away from that interaction with more than just hurt feelings. Next time you have constructive feedback for someone, be sure that you’re communicating exactly what went wrong and relate it to the specific instance where you noticed it.

3. Control Your Emotions

It can be hard to fully control your emotions, especially in the heat of the moment, but it’s important to be aware of them and how they may impact your message. Your emotions can set the tone for the conversation and influence how the other person will react. Have you ever had someone approach you angrily, causing you to feel angry in return? You probably have. This is a normal human reaction and absolutely happens in the workplace. The manager I referred to in my example was visibly upset when I questioned him on his approach, which also caused me to become upset. If you convey a message to someone and allow your emotions to run out of control, you can expect the other person to match your emotional response. Try to check in with yourself and ensure that you have your emotions in check before continuing your conversation. On the other hand, try to read the other person and determine how they might be feeling. If you suspect the other person is upset or sad about something you’re saying, you may want to exercise restraint or caution when selecting your verbiage. Read the room and adapt accordingly, remembering to stay calm and professional. Remember that feedback is meant to help the person receiving it, not to cause them to feel poorly about themselves.

4. Provide an Action Plan

As a leader, your job is to help people be the best they can be. If you don’t provide insight into what steps someone can take to improve, then you’re simply not leading them. Anyone can point out mistakes, but it takes a leader to show them how to get better. In my situation, I left that interaction without a solid understanding of what I should do to improve. Once you’ve conveyed to someone that they have made a mistake or should improve in some way, it’s important to help them understand how they can change. In most cases, people do things a certain way because they don’t know or understand how they can do them better. Before you give someone feedback, you should already have a sense of what steps they can take to achieve a better outcome in the future and be ready to share those steps with them. Remember that everyone is different, so you may need to work with them to adapt your suggested action plan to fit their working style. Be sure to collaborate with them to gain a better understanding of why the mistake was made in the first place and use that knowledge to tailor a plan that will help that individual succeed. Never end a coaching conversation without providing insight or the tools someone may need to drive positive change. Your action plan or suggested next steps should outline what the person can do to improve and provide a clear understanding of what improvement looks like. Providing feedback or coaching is more than just pointing out mistakes; it’s also equipping your team with the knowledge and understanding they need to succeed.

Using feedback as a weapon to win an argument or make yourself appear more knowledgeable can have damaging consequences. It can decrease morale, destroy confidence, and reduce productivity. Many leaders unknowingly weaponize their feedback, while some use it to assert their authority or dominance. Regardless of the intent, it never builds happy teams or helps them improve. I challenge you to reflect on feedback you’ve given or received in the past and determine if any of it could have been seen as weaponized. Learn from those interactions and use that knowledge to avoid it in the future. Keep the four points we discussed in mind when you notice opportunities for improvement and be sure to convey your feedback in a way that will have a positive impact while maintaining your relationships. Remember that feedback, even negative feedback, should be a force for good and nothing else.

Featured image by LinkedIn Sales Solutions on Unsplash